Show Idle (>14 d.) Chans
← 2019-09-07 | 2019-09-09 → ↓
diana_coman: http://logs.ossasepia.com/log/ossasepia/2019-09-07#1001505 - this is actually the rule rather than the exception by now.
ossabot: Logged on 2019-09-07 14:10:51 shrysr: probably worth mentioning - the few 'humans' are hourly wage laborers i worked with during first 5 months. SOme of them even business owners in the past... well over 40-50 years of age n so on and certainly bright even without comparing to other local (black) orcs. I'd actually be happy working with em you know.. like i said - i worked into their good books and they are almost the only sane convo i get..
diana_coman: http://logs.ossasepia.com/log/ossasepia/2019-09-07#1001540 - note that *their* feelings /mortifications on whatever matter are entirely theirs, not yours! you can try to help them process perhaps if you must, but that comes, naturally, afterwards and it's entirely your choice anyway, not an obligation.
ossabot: Logged on 2019-09-07 21:29:21 lobbes: Sure I know that some of my family would be "mortified" to hear me call my late father a "coward". But from my eye, that just tells me that they aren't really vested in my health after all; it "weeds out the unworthy" as cold as that may sound.
diana_coman: http://logs.ossasepia.com/log/ossasepia/2019-09-07#1001541 - the main point is that sharing brings only benefits for you, although it seems counterintuitive, I know; the main perceived "downsides" are all and entirely to do in fact with *other people's shortcomings* and absolutely nothing to do with the one who tells the truth (sure, if you don't tell the truth then and only then, you're shooting yourself in the foot)
ossabot: Logged on 2019-09-07 21:29:34 lobbes: Likewise, I felt like I perhaps shared *too* much even after my post on exploring the bdsm lifestyle (to even the audience of tmsr lol). But as time has passed I know that I have these things to reflect on for my OWN benefit if anything. But again, I can only offer my own perspective here; I'm not your teacher after-all, just another student if anything
diana_coman: and specifically, the best you let yourself known, the more (and in a more specific/better fitted way) you can be helped by those able and willing to do so; onth idiots will yapp anyway and "form opinions" (out of whatever shit they happen to have heard most recently) but they and such "opinions" *don't matter at all*.
diana_coman: http://logs.ossasepia.com/log/ossasepia/2019-09-07#1001548 - pain is mostly a signal; a bit like smoke is the sign of a fire; not much sense in attacking pain, just like there isn't much sense in attacking smoke, is there?
ossabot: Logged on 2019-09-07 22:34:04 shrysr: http://blog.lobbesblog.com/2019/08/on-relationships-or-how-pretense-kills/#selection-387.362-387.465 hehe i used to think of it as a strength. It helped me separate the pain and put it in front of me to attack.. or to forget and work... more frequently the latter. however my concl is that it can easily become unproductive overall if not 'controlled' in a very strict manner..... not that I've followed said
diana_coman: you can ride the pain, you can ignore the pain, you can follow or back away from the pain; attacking it though...how does that even work?
diana_coman: http://logs.ossasepia.com/log/ossasepia/2019-09-07#1001553 - aha, arbitrary shape deformation is one tool for "sculpting" 3D shapes (hence stuff like characters or monsters in a game for instance), indeed; the question for you here is whether this is something that really speaks to you (because if it is and you are willing to work it properly, there's a good opportunity with eulora right there)
ossabot: Logged on 2019-09-07 22:45:12 shrysr: the closest i guess i came to graphics was with my masters thesis... using a software called sculptor - they used something called arbitrary shape deformation (ASD) and NURBS to deform geometries i.e meshes and create quick variations of geometry instead of completely remeshing for each change. i used to find meshing very challenging...kindda hated that part of the whole process, then slowly became
diana_coman: above I don't mean just specifically sculpting or shape deformation; I mean graphics overall, of which sculpting is a very tiny part.
ossabot: Logged on 2019-09-07 23:21:25 shrysr: http://logs.nosuchlabs.com/log/ossasepia/2019-09-07#1001503 efforts have started in this direction. I have listed companies nearby and am trying to build a composite of profiles they seek and align my shit to theirs. digging up contacts too.
snsabot: Logged on 2019-09-07 13:48:34 diana_coman: shrysr: I suppose you should at the very least take one weekend off and go talk to people in calgary or whatever the bigger closest town was.
diana_coman: http://logs.ossasepia.com/log/ossasepia/2019-09-07#1001559 - the list doesn't quite fit the "lotsa" at the beginning, lol.
ossabot: Logged on 2019-09-07 23:26:43 shrysr: http://logs.nosuchlabs.com/log/ossasepia/2019-09-05#1001373 lotsa things... beyond insects and creepy crawlies... I think dying without having done any meaningful work. Of late it has been shifting to doing something in time for my parents to see and feel happy about. not that they arent...in general...(except my job here ofc, based on my own ranting)... but aligned with my own definition of meaningful.
snsabot: Logged on 2019-09-05 18:04:48 diana_coman: shrysr: so.... what scares you most? :D
diana_coman: http://logs.ossasepia.com/log/ossasepia/2019-09-07#1001563 - eurgh @ google adwords; I suppose it's still the naive approach but don't fall for it, ffs; in the best interpretation I can give to your statement, you mean you are looking for a source of (semi-)passive income; nothing wrong with that but you know, passive is when you are old and can't be active anymore, lolz.
ossabot: Logged on 2019-09-07 23:43:25 shrysr: i always used to think that a 'concept' of google's adwords --- was nice as in - it earned revenue, without much manual meddling on their partiirc it was a good portion of revenue though dwindling of late. ofc i hate the ads, but essentially some kindda engine that I cd build that makes money... and the building would the labor of love / intelligence... and the money earned shd atleast be enough for decent
diana_coman: http://logs.ossasepia.com/log/ossasepia/2019-09-07#1001564 - uhm, there isn't really anything "like eulora" unless you look extremely superficially at it; the... main (let's call it this though it's "main" from one perspective and then there are others and...), difference is that eulora actually has a real economy (as in really, nothing is "created" out of thin air and *everything* - including quests for instance - is/can be made by player
ossabot: Logged on 2019-09-07 23:43:27 shrysr: pocket money (eventually). I guess eulora does that? I've played games like age of empires and sim city - but here the difference is that it is based on bitcoin?
diana_coman: is/can be made by players not by "the game".
diana_coman: shrysr: there's a LOT to read and figure out on eulora and I fully intend to help you there but atm you have lots of other shit to attend to, so focus on that first.
snsabot: Logged on 2019-09-07 14:21:37 diana_coman: shrysr: re saving, honestly, re-read the part re bitcoin stash; no matter how small, it *still* beats the shit out of fiat-saving of any sort (and even without going into real inflation as opposed to claimed inflation)
snsabot: Logged on 2019-09-03 18:52:24 diana_coman: so if you want to save, simply buy any bitcents you can and keep your key+wallet safe, that's pretty much it; and ftr if "no money for any bitcents", your best bet is probably playing eulora anyway.
ossabot: Logged on 2019-09-07 04:10:15 diana_coman: shrysr: re http://logs.ossasepia.com/log/ossasepia/2019-09-05#1001274 you should read this thread : http://logs.ossasepia.com/log/trilema/2019-09-07#1934487
diana_coman: oh boy, this chain is prolly the record by now, 4 lines neatly divided between 2 bots.
diana_coman: shrysr: "I
diana_coman: would not like any of them to think" -> why?
diana_coman: whenever you find something "I would not like...", the route deeper is to ask: why?
diana_coman: for that matter when "I would very much like..."
diana_coman: a good placed "why" does wonders too.
diana_coman: shrysr: I'm not sure exactly what is the difference you make between "published per se" and available at a link on your blog.
diana_coman: I'm not saying that you should necessarily put it as a post, no; just point out that the difference you seem to make is... not much of a difference really.
diana_coman: fwiw "coward" does not apply to the situation you describe there; it's simply that you obviously (and painfully at the time, I'm sure, but *still*) had way too much sense to do that.
diana_coman: to fully qualify it: too much sense to do it for *that* specific reason.
diana_coman: re definitions there, I know those you refer to but I don't think they are worth much.
diana_coman: shrysr: ftr, what you call "demons" in 8th grade sound more like... teenaged, intelligent, naive, inexperienced and fully male, what.
diana_coman: "for no mistake on my part" - you mean there in fact "for nothing that I would admit/consider/ever thought of as a mistake on my part"; I know very well what you mean (I didn't do them any harm/did not get in their way/similar) but at the very least you miscalculated/failed to evaluate correctly the people you lived among (or the importance of paying attention to them too, not only to your studies).
shrysr: http://logs.ossasepia.com/log/ossasepia/2019-09-08#1001575 attacking - i guess was a blanket term for riding, follow, back. In that case it was more abt following, i.e analysing. Almost all the time, getting stoned seemed to kindda stop the negative emotions from bubbling over so focus shifting to thinking abt the nature of the pain. Attack in the sense - it had to be vanquished without a trace, from the
ossabot: Logged on 2019-09-08 08:58:21 diana_coman: http://logs.ossasepia.com/log/ossasepia/2019-09-07#1001548 - pain is mostly a signal; a bit like smoke is the sign of a fire; not much sense in attacking pain, just like there isn't much sense in attacking smoke, is there?
shrysr: roots, instead of saying myea, she was a bitch and thats what they do, i was good .... i felt there were many mistakes I made.. there had to be signs i missed/ignored/misinterpreted.
shrysr: i felt - and knew.
diana_coman: most probably there were, yes; and even more likely, you were too inexperienced (possibly she was too) to figure out what she actually needed
diana_coman: "It is not to be inferred that it is a land of heathen idiots" - no danger of such "inferrence" at all; but do note that there's no reason you should care about "such inference" really.
diana_coman: and fwiw, I hope you did get to listen to as many stories as your father would tell you.
diana_coman: shrysr: btw, the account is actually quite cool in many ways, I hope you realise that.
shrysr: oh yeah! i guess they were a lot more ruthless back then or somethin. His uni was wayyy down south. premier, top 3 in india whatever... i have envied his friends so many times. intelligent if not brilliant folx... all having almost no money. its like they were all a different class altogether.
shrysr: the nature of the ragging was different.... down south - they'd screw northies. reverse of what i experienced basically. general difference was that he / we are from the south, so i guess he was kindda on the other side and not really on the receiving end.
diana_coman: they... were a different class; as in: a different generation and it matters.
diana_coman: shrysr: basically in the whole account, the only problems are that you have terribly poor references (esp literary, wtf didn't they ever teach you any literature?)
diana_coman: and the idealism (though it's kind of a given for most teenagers, so pretty much expected)
diana_coman: shrysr: "I'm not sure any of the above helps" - you answer that one too; look back to all the times you "opened up"/"shared too much" in here and tell me: did it do you harm? did it do nothing at all? did it help?
diana_coman: shrysr!
shrysr: re: demons. I call them so because unlike my dad - i guess i *had*/was provided everything i needed to study and 'be a good boy'.. trying something was even fine - but plunging into drugs full time? heroin and coke? selling ! Sure i have not tried a branch of them like lsd, party drugs .. today i'm not really interested. lol a few grams be different from kilograms! I mean - i guess the only parts my
shrysr: parents would be really mortified abt are the portions where i fucked my health .... they wd look at what they did wrong, and i think they did nothing wrong. My mom sometimes wonders aloud whether she made a mistake tearing me away from 'childhood' friends for those 2 years before i went to uni saying I was 'getting too much to handle' or showing weird signs of extreme violence and eat-your-brains. The
shrysr: extent to which i 'let myself go' over the girl and then how i recovered... After some gentle probing and raging and stupid reactions from me - my mom said she wd not bring up the girl until i felt comfortable to talk abt it. subsequently, on a walk with mom - i burst out with incredible rage at an asshole who was spitting on the road...Unfortunately I'm not able to rem what she told me, but i do rem -
shrysr: there was an instant 180 flip.. atleast the anger suddenly vanished enitrely. The anger started resurfacing in a different form when i entered slavery about 4 months after that incident. everything else is pretty much openly discussed and shared, including critique of faults. I guess the truth is i think I betrayed their trust and don't like my answers as to why.
diana_coman: shrysr: the past is to learn from, not to hide/avoid really; if you need to, apologize to them/make amends as needed (and certainly tell them clearly that it's nothing to do with what they did or didn't do) but *move on*; and I mean this esp with respect to reference point: literally, for as long as you maintain as reference point your parents, you are not an adult.
shrysr: though there are still some internal barriers that i'm working on w.r.t sharing and publishing - i dont think i shared too much and i dont feel embarassed sharing here, or rather i have come to trust in the last weeks that nobody here wd 'judge' in a ... idk -- the way others do without 'sense' for lack of a better word...stupidity/stubborn idiocy has a price, but being honest - does not have the
shrysr: consequences of being branded. No, nothing here has harmed me.
shrysr: it has helped. TBH: surprisingly at some points... not surprising at others.
diana_coman: glad to hear you see it too; and good for you.
diana_coman: ftr the "judge" that you seem to refer to is more likely simply a "pattern-matching" or otherwise put the result of group "thinking", not any judging in any real sense.
shrysr: yes. that fits what i had in my head much better.
shrysr: re: literature... i dont think it was taught in the sense you mean in school. Definitely not taught in engg / uni. I dont really rem what was taught w.r.t english... nothing i recall as challenging. i pretty much used to read whatever was available... i rem there was a phase when i was reading a novel a day from the school library... probably somewhere around 3rd or 4th grade... nothing spectacular. i
shrysr: guess hardy boys nancy drew goosebumps. for a long time it was only fiction. If you mean older stuff like tom sawyer, david copperfield , wind in the willows type - i've read these and a bunch more, but it was usually not any kind of target based reading. There was a period i roamed around with Kant's critique of pure reason - determined to finish it... never got beyond some pages. now that was fucking
shrysr: hard .. in the sense - each line was very long + complex and i cd not read fast enough 'to be entertained'... i guess. as stupid as that sounds.
diana_coman: shrysr: aha; well, when you dig yourself out of the current hole of stuff to do, can always start addressing that part too, lol.
shrysr: http://logs.nosuchlabs.com/log/ossasepia/2019-09-08#1001605 lol. i know. its... less prominent... but there? semi published...lol. extending on from the portfolio of projects thingy - i know its a blog, and the benefit is to share - but if some 'recruiter' / orc whatever wants to look me up (and i post this as my website or whatever) - its unlikely to help me cause if they read that stuff is it? I presume
snsabot: Logged on 2019-09-08 09:15:45 diana_coman: shrysr: I'm not sure exactly what is the difference you make between "published per se" and available at a link on your blog.
shrysr: all they'd want to see is evidence of skills... reports/ pretty pictures / code / buncha articles on 'dataa scieeence' perhaps. Shd i have a separate setup for this purpose alone? cd easily continue my old github site....
diana_coman: shrysr: to "employers" you can give your github repo, sure; it prolly even ticks some of their checklist points too; the only part that is still unclear is if it's all that worth to tick their points, that's about it.
shrysr: hmm the general advice is : yes. atleast to break in. for eg: see david robinson's post at http://varianceexplained.org/r/start-blog/ hez quite cool actually.
shrysr: well i hv never interacted with him.... cool based on the work i see and his general method of explaining things.
diana_coman: shrysr: if you think him cool, invite him here, what.
diana_coman: and at the very least comment and interact with him.
diana_coman: eh, "chief data scientist at datacamp, an education company for teaching data science through interactive online courses"; basically he's applying the funnel-model to get students, there isn't much more that stands out there.
shrysr: well datacamp is like that for sure... but atleast that post doesnt have any marketing content
diana_coman: top of the funnel, yeah; but sure, take what you find useful and use it; the obs was re "cool" - I don't see much cool there.
diana_coman: anyway, since it's Sunday today: mind jotting down and publishing the updated list of tasks for this week? ie whatever tasks you have for finding the job + the task for the 15th and you're done.
shrysr: yes massaa :P
shrysr: lol.. top of the funnel is nice... http://logs.ossasepia.com/log/ossasepia/2019-09-05#1001333 is even better.
ossabot: Logged on 2019-09-05 15:40:08 diana_coman: http://logs.ossasepia.com/log/ossasepia/2019-09-05#1001323 - wait, do you mean it's been now a whole year of embracing that old shifty hag of data-something??
diana_coman: heh; it is what it is, funnels and hags, yes.
diana_coman: !o uptime
ossabot: diana_coman: time since my last reconnect : 0d 17h 59m
diana_coman: !o uptime
ossabot: diana_coman: time since my last reconnect : 0d 20h 58m
diana_coman: !o uptime
ossabot: diana_coman: time since my last reconnect : 0d 22h 45m
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