cruciform: hi, diana_coman!
cruciform: May I ask you questions, here; what is the nature of our relationship post-moving on? I’m very grateful for your continued help, but don’t want to presume anything.
diana_coman: hi cruciform. So don't presume and all is well & easy, lol. Other than that though: questions can always be *asked*, how would that part even be somehow depending on anything else? Note that not asking is never really anything other than protecting your own fear of "what if the answer is not what I like to hear" (silence/rejection included),
diana_coman: the pickle however is that if you do *not* ask, you'll... never know the answer, either.
cruciform: aha, so I can be safely ignorant, or else take a risk and speak up
diana_coman: here, found the ref, it's 200% valid for asking too : http://ossasepia.com/2020/04/20/ossasepia-logs-for-29-Oct-2019/#1008057
sonofawitch: 2019-10-29 17:55:51 (#ossasepia) diana_coman: eh, speak, there's nothing worth keeping that you might lose just for the speaking; quite the opposite
diana_coman: "safely" as in maintaining the illusion of safety, that's about it.
diana_coman: and with that illusion, maintaining as well (even growing) the fear(s).
diana_coman: anyway, to make it crystal clear: anyone can ask anything, there's no way *that* somehow magically "can't be done"; it's your action so you can do it.
diana_coman: whether I answer or what or when or so on, is my action though, true enough.
cruciform: I didn't want to give the impression that I thought you were obliged to answer - or otherwise (seem to) be impertinent
diana_coman: you can't control impressions, you know? but I can set your mind at rest there: I don't feel obliged to answer questions in general like that, no, I'm kind of too old (or not British enough perhaps) for that sort of thing.
cruciform: phew :)
cruciform: so
diana_coman: as for the rest, sure, so don't ask impertinently, easy.
cruciform: makes sense! I'm probably spinning/inventing problems
cruciform: but, is there any sense in my asking about the nature of our relationship?
diana_coman: if you want something, you'll have to ask for *that* so be more precise there.
cruciform: for example, I have categories for friend/relative/lover etc., with defined behaviours for each - erm, what category does our relationship fall into - student/teacher?
diana_coman: ahahah
cruciform: :P
diana_coman: alien category!
diana_coman: now what?
cruciform: yes, I thought it might be uncategorisable, or at least one unknown to me
diana_coman: you seriously are telling me that you have a sort of internal/mental 3 ring binder with "defined behaviours for type of... relationships"?
diana_coman: lolz
cruciform: well, in the least autistic way possible
diana_coman: and so if all of a sudden you encounter in this horribly mean world the...alien, what do you do? "error!"
cruciform: but, you know - I'd call my boss "sir", and not tell dirty jokes to someone's grandma - that sort of thing
diana_coman: some grandmas might love them though
cruciform: back to speaking up and taking risks!
diana_coman: and I'd rather bet some grandmas know dirtier jokes than you.
cruciform: lol
diana_coman: this sort of "living by the book-of-rules" is not altogether very... sane, how to put it.
cruciform: what's a better way? ad-hoc play it by ear?
diana_coman: sure, be *aware* of context and knowledgeable but that is an entirely different thing; quite in the same way that learning something is quite different from memorising a pattern of "solving"
cruciform: If I take time to respond, it's because it often takes me 5 goes to parse what you're saying (incidentally, this is only the case with your/MP's text)
diana_coman: getting back to your original question: the more logical thing for you is to figure out what you want it to be and then what to do for that.
cruciform: I thought you might say that!
cruciform: is this a causes/purposes thing?
diana_coman: as the saying goes: so you are not *entirely* an idiot!
cruciform: lol
cruciform: one other thing, is the correct pronunciation of your name "DEE-ana", as opposed to "DIE-ana"?
cruciform: (a Romanian corrected me)
diana_coman: it is but once again, I lived in enough places to not be bothered by ~any of that.
diana_coman: somewhere in the logs I linked once a video with the pronounciation , as someone else asked, I don't quite recall who.
diana_coman: cruciform: re earlier question - it's more an active/passive thing first of all than causes/purposes.
cruciform: what can *I* do to define our relationship, rather than what is done to me by you?
diana_coman: ahaha
diana_coman: figure it out, you know?
cruciform: :p
cruciform: yes - food for thought!
cruciform: ok, I shall ruminate over the above; thanks for your help!
cruciform gets back to work
diana_coman: no problem
diana_coman: cruciform: if it's any help, note perhaps that it tends to be easier to figure out what one does *not* want; arguably it's more important too, anyway.
diana_coman is afk
feedbot: http://younghands.club/2020/09/17/dg-agenda-20200918/ << Young Hands Club -- DG Agenda 2020.09.18